A letter to someone

I wrote the letter below for a challenge I'm doing on my personal blog, and thought I would put it over here, just in case a new mamma stops by for a visit.

Dear (mother who just found out the baby she is carrying/or delivered has Down syndrome),

You don't know me, but just under two years ago, I was where you are. After finding out that our first child was going to be a little girl, we were also informed that there were complications with her heart and size. After a few tests we also found out that she had Down syndrome. Like you, I was so scared, I just kept praying and hoping that it wasn't true, that she would be "okay". At the time that meant that she didn't have Down syndrome. I was so worried about what others would think, how she would be treated differently. It just broke my heart. Then I met some other families with children with Down syndrome, and saw the beauty in their lives and their children. Many of them told me that if they could change the fact that their child had Down syndrome, they wouldn't. At first I didn't quite buy it, but I wanted to. Then my little girl was born, and fought for her life, and I knew it wasn't an accident that she had Down syndrome. It wasn't a "complication", it is part of who she is and she. is. AMAZING! She really is so special, not a day goes by that I am not amazed at how lucky I am to be her mom. One thing that the geneticist said to us while she was in the hospital really stuck out to me. He said that 46 of her Chromosomes are from us, her parents, just like any other child. The 47th is just a little something extra. That helped me to realize that she was still my baby. She has my features as well as her dad's. As the days go by the more I realize the fact that she has Down syndrome really isn't a big deal. She is who she is, and like I said she is amazing. I look forward to having her by my side the rest of my life.

So even though its scary at first, just know one day you will look back and wonder how you could have ever felt like that. I really wish every family could have a child like Kaelyn in their family, she has been such a blessing. Instead of feeling like others may pity us, like I did at first, I feel a little sorry for them, that they aren't as lucky as we are :)

Love Kaelyns momma, Jeana.

If at First You Don't Succeed...

Try, try again. And again. And again and again and again.

That's kind of how I've felt when it comes to Kaelyn's eating. It took her some time to figure out how to chow down on her bottle, but once she got it, she was unstoppable. Anything to get that dang feeding tube out of her nose, right? So for about 6 months we have been meeting with a feeding therapist to help her start eating food, food. i.e. baby food. And for six month's I haven't felt like we've gotten very far. Each time when went to feeding therapy, about every six weeks, I left a little more encouraged to recommit myself and nip this thing in the bud...but after a couple of days I was back to being discouraged. You see its a very delicate thing, we want eating to be a positive experience for her, so we don't want to push her to the point of tears (where she will go). Our feeding therapist is great, has wonderful tips and ideas, but most of all is encouraging and realistic with me. She helps me not feel like such a loser of a mom. She continues to remind me that Kaelyn is actually a good eater, after all she's been through and what she has to deal with. That she likes food, it will just take a little longer to figure the whole process out. Something that is easy to forget when I see a typical baby down a jar of baby food in a matter of minutes, when I would spend 20 minutes just to get a tablespoon of food into her mouth, and for that same tablespoon of food to come right back out.

So recently I've committed to do better at taking time each day to feed her "solids". At first it seemed to get worse. She would throw her head back and forth so I couldn't get near her mouth, and then when I did get near her lips, I would have use the crowbar spoon to pry those little things open. However this time around I didn't give up and take a few days off. I kept going, even if it was just a few bites of yogurt.

Yesterday I was giving her some peach/mango applesauce and guess what? She actually seemed to be liking it. She stopped flailing her head back and forth and let me hold her hands so I could get it in her mouth. Then she would chomp on it a little, and the best part...it stayed in her mouth and went down her throat. In the past I've had serious doubts that she was ever swallowing the baby food. So then tonight we tried pears mixed with oatmeal, and again she ate it. She downed half a jar, which is monumental for her! It about brought me to tears numerous times. It's amazing how something so simple as eating baby food, that many parents take for granted...at least I would if I didn't have Kaelyn, can bring so much happiness to a mom. Kaelyn teaches me how to enjoy the small things in life and small things happen daily, so that makes for one happy mama. Next step I'll be waiting for is when she will open her mouth voluntarily, so I can just shovel that good-ness in.

If there are any mom's out there that has had similiar experiences with their kids, please share any good ideas/tips you may have.

"Gimmie the spoon mom, I'll do it MYSELF!"

She was not about to smile for me